http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=7722
This seems to go along with the words of Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, who said, "The solutions to life's problems are always gospel solutions" - if you have a problem with low self-esteem, lose yourself and turn to the gospel.
(When you get to the part where she talks about the biggest obstacle to our own self-esteem, take a pause and let that sink in for a bit... )
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I wonder if self-esteem isn't a red herring. The term red herring comes from the practice of dragging this smelly fish across a trail to destroy the original scent. Thus a red herring is a diversion intended to distract attention from the real issue. I suggest that the issue of self-esteem is a diversion to distract us from the real issue of our existence.
We might be justified in telling people to fix their self-esteem in order to solve their most basic problems if we knew nothing of man's premortal life, or the spiritual purpose of his earthly probation, or his glorious destiny. But the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches the true nature and true needs of the self. There are two major human conditions that the self is subject to that may have led to the idea that the pursuit of self-esteem was important: man's vulnerability, or even pain, incident to the fall of man; and the conflict and insecurity, or pain, created by personal sin.
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Now, I ask you, as various doors open and close, as the Lord Jesus Christ orchestrates even the details of our lives, where is the need to pursue self-esteem? We don't need it. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ will take us farther.
Christ himself is our model where the self is concerned. Hear the manner in which he presents himself. He says,
1. "The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise" (John 5:19).
2. "I do nothing of myself; but as my Father hath taught me, I speak these things" (John 8:28).
3. "The words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself: but the Father that dwelleth in me, he doeth the works" (John 14:10).
You remember that Moroni wrote that the resurrected, perfected Christ spoke to him in "plain humility" (Ether 12:39). Elder Maxwell observed that "The Savior--the brightest individual ever to walk this planet--never sought to 'prosper' or to 'conquer' 'according to his genius' and 'strength'!" (See Alma 30:17.) ("Out of the Best Faculty," BYU Annual University Conference, 2326 August 1993, p. 37). Alma identified the precept that man prospers by his own resources as the doctrine of the antichrist (see Alma 30:17).
It seems to me that the self may actually be an interloper in most of what we do and that we can find relief from the stresses and strains of self-promotion by saying, in effect, "Get thee behind me, Self." I wonder if this is what the Savior means when he says, "He who seeketh to save his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it" (JST Matthew 10:39). The self seems to be a constant intruder as we strive for selflessness. But President Benson pointed out that "Christ removed self as the force in His perfect life. It was not my will, but thine be done" (CR, 5 April 1986, p. 6; also, "Cleansing the Inner Vessel," Ensign, May 1986, p. 6; emphasis in original).
I have become aware of how demanding of attention the self is. What a lot of prayer and deliberate living it will take for me to remove my self as the force in my life. I have become aware that all my sins rise out of the self-absorption of my heart--impulses rising like the ticking of a clock in their persistent quest for self-promotion, self-defense, and self-gratification. It seems as though a change is needed at the very fountain of my heart out of which all thought and emotion rise. Could I actually come to the point where I could act without calculating my own self-interest all the time? Could I really live my daily life so that I was constantly searching out the Lord's will and drawing down his grace to accomplish it? And when the Lord in his mercy meshes his power with my agency and my effort and brings forth some measure of success, I ask, where is self-esteem? Where is even the need for self-esteem? I feel as though I just want to say instead, "Oh, Lord, increase my faith."
How then does one appropriately think about oneself? I offer you Elder Enzio Busche's remarks. He said,
A disciple of Christ is . . . constantly, even in the midst of all regular activities, striving all day long through silent prayer and contemplation to be in the depth of self-awareness to keep him in the state of meekness and lowliness of heart. ["Truth Is the Issue," Ensign, November 1993, p. 25]
It seems appropriate as well to be conscious of our preciousness to our Father and at the same time to feel meek and lowly before his sacrifices on our behalf, his reverence for us, and his continuing graciousness to us. Again, Elder Busche spoke of the point at which we realize the Lord's love:
This is the place where we suddenly see the heavens open as we feel the full impact of the love of our Heavenly Father, which fills us with indescribable joy. With this fulfillment of love in our hearts, we will never be happy anymore just by being ourselves or living our own lives. We will not be satisfied until we have surrendered our lives into the arms of the loving Christ, and until He has become the doer of all our deeds and He has become the speaker of all our words. [Busche, "Truth," p. 26]
When Christ is the doer of all our deeds and the speaker of all our words, I have to ask, where is self-esteem? Where is the need of self-esteem? I propose that self-esteem becomes a nonissue for the person who is perfecting his faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.
If I decide to give up some of the attention my self demands, what will I replace it with? The Lord answers, "Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not" (D&C 6:36). The self is so demanding that perhaps one can only let go of the pursuit of self-promotion as one cleaves to the Lord Jesus Christ (see Omni 1:26). Like Peter walking on the water, it may be our sudden self-consciousness that will cause us to fall (see Matthew 14:30).
The world speaks of self-image, but Alma spoke of receiving the image of God in our countenances (see Alma 5:14). In fact, as the Lectures on Faith inform us,
All those who keep his commandments shall grow up from grace to grace, and become . . . joint heirs with Jesus Christ; possessing the same mind, being transformed into the same image . . . , even the express image of him who fills all in all; being filled with the fullness of his glory, and become one in him, even as the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are one. [Lectures on Faith 5:2]
It seems as though the perception of the self as an entity separate from God will, under the right conditions, just get thinner and thinner.
President Benson has pressed us to be changed for Christ, captained by Christ, and consumed in Christ (see "Born of God," Ensign, July 1989, p. 5). We might ask, what is it that must be consumed? Maybe it is our old concept of self, the one we have learned from the precepts of men. Is it possible that the pursuit of self-esteem might delay this mighty change? Indeed, what if one ceased defining self-esteem or justifying one's pursuit of it, and just ignored it? What if, instead, one just began to obey whatever divine instruction he was not obeying, to sacrifice whatever needed sacrificing, and to consecrate whatever he was holding back? What if he just set out to "seek this Jesus" (Ether 12:41)?
So many issues that revolve around the subject of self fade like the dew in the sun as one cultivates faith in the Savior. Without him, nothing else matters. No amount of self-esteem or anything else can adequately fill the void.
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